Every January I’m determined not to let the winter blues get to me, to keep a sunny-faced optimism despite the dreary weather outside. It’s amazing to me, the tangible separation between December and January – December just seems to have more sunny days. Maybe it’s the anticipation of the holidays that adds a cozy glow over everything. Even if you aren’t necessarily anticipating the holidays, you can’t help be enveloped in the spirit of it by the end, despite your best efforts.
This January hasn’t been too terrible, weather-wise, but it finally caught up this week. I suppose I can’t complain too much – I wasn’t forced to take a snow day like my cousin Amanda, who lives in Philly. And yet, today was so dreary and gloomy looking that it seemed like it was just a cruel joke the universe was playing on me. When I got out of work, I was struck by the saturated blue hue my world had developed. It was like a scene out of Traffic, the ones where Steven Soderbergh was all, “Hey, I’m going to be artsy and make Michael Douglas BLUE.” It was like the universe was trying its hardest to make me sad.
It’s hard to keep my resolve for the optimism I’d proposed I’d keep during the time of year that always drags me down with it. I can’t help having my feelings being inexplicably tied with the weather. A slight drizzle started falling after I left work, making my beautiful city look rather sad and forlorn. I don’t dislike all rain. I have no problem with summer storms. Summer storms are mischievous. They say, “I’m only here for a little bit, just enough to bring a flood warning, triple-digit humidity, and some mosquitoes. YOU’RE WELCOME.”
But winter storms are different. They tell me, “Yes, I know it gets dark at 6, and that it’s cold and you don’t want to do anything productive but go home and crawl under a blanket. I know it hasn’t been sunny in days, which is an eternity to you wussy Texans. But I just wanted to give you advance warning that we’re just going to stay here for the next three weeks. Did I mention spring is far away? SO FAR AWAY.”
Today marks three years that I have lived here. When I think about it in plain terms, nothing has changed since the day I moved here to now. Everything is the same, even my hair color. But when I think of the small incremental changes that I’ve made since I’ve moved here, it all amounts to one big change, if that makes any sense. It’s progress, I suppose.
I need to get out of my apartment.