Tuesday Night

I have not made a secret of the fact that my transition to this city was difficult.  I was lonely, isolated, and couldn’t ever see myself ever being happy.  This song (which is perfection, as far as I’m concerned) comforted me during some unhappy moments.  There’s the nostalgia element associated with it – my dad loves this song.  But more than that, the lyrics always made me think, especially, “Another year and then you’ll be happy, just one more year and then you’ll be happy.  But you’re crying, you’re crying now.”

That particular line always resonated with me.  I would be so happy if X happened, I told myself.  I had a list of things that I wanted to happen in my life.  And as I started crossing items off that list, I would always add another item to it.

As I listened to this song today, I thought, when will that end?  When will I stop thinking in the future?  Why can’t I enjoy the present instead of constantly thinking of new milestones that I must check off my list?  The things making me sad this morning are ephemeral. My puppy will sleep through the night and get potty-trained. I won’t always have to do field work.  I won’t always be separated from my friends and family.

My mood improved dramatically. I talked to my loved ones and felt bolstered by their support.  I went home at lunch to see my pup.  We cuddled, went for a walk, and played fetch.  We spent a lot of time together this evening.  He is a very good puppy and is adjusting much better today than he was yesterday (perhaps not having to get shots from the vet today has helped!) He is in his crate right now and (knocking heavily on wood) he is not crying right now, where at this time last night, he was.  He is still not completely fond of his crate, but his attitude towards it is improving every day.  I put a ticking clock on top of it so that it will soothe him to sleep.

I can’t live in the future. All I can do is appreciate the present, and be the best person I can be to the people who love me.

I should probably sleep, considering I didn’t get much of it last night.



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