So it’s nearly 1 am and I’m still awake because I had more McAllister’s sweet tea late at night, what’s UP.
Actually, I was smarter about it because I only had one, and let it get watery before finishing it. So I’m actually feeling sleepy. I have heard second-hand (through my mother) that my brother thinks I act like an old person.
Just because I’m not punk rock enough to enjoy being thrown up against people at shows doesn’t mean I’m OLD.
I brought this up because I’m feeling sleepy after midnight, when I used to stay up without any trouble. Also, because he may be right.
So, I nearly lost Apollo yesterday. Yep.
It had been a long week, in my semi-defense, even though this fact does not justify my stupid mistake. I’ve been working nights to stay ahead of the Friday deadline, which worked well. I finished the most important items by Friday. While I was really happy that I did not procrastinate for once in my life, I was feeling it by Friday night. There were some stressful driving events (to the douche tailgating me on a highway when it’s really dark and we’re both going at least 70 mph – WHY? WHY?) Then I went to Hastings to get some new music (Florence + the Machine’s debut album – yes, I realize I’m three years behind everyone else). I was feeling guilty about purchasing it – it was $15 at the register and more than I usually spend on CDs, since I try to buy them used. When I walked out, I noted the jewel case was already cracked. I went back inside to exchange it for a pristine copy, but I’d bought the last copy. The manager handed me an empty jewel case to take home with me. On the way home, I realized that the new case would do nothing because it was the middle portion (the plastic thingy where you place the CD? I don’t know what the fuck it’s called) was cracked. Since the new case did not come with a new plastic thingy, I was stuck with a cracked jewel case.
I know many people will not understand what the big deal is, but I spent $15 on a new CD, and I want a nice jewel case to go with it. I griped about it to Boyfriend the entire way home while he listened (very) patiently. I knew I was being a petulant child at this point, but I couldn’t get myself out of my irritated mood.
When we went inside, I went out to the car to grab a drink I’d left in there, my mind still on my stupid jewel case. I left the apartment door open as I left. I don’t know what I was thinking, because of course, my puppy decided to follow me.
I heard Boyfriend calling after me and I turned around to see Apollo darting from the door. My heart sank. It was my worst nightmare. I’ve had to chase a dachshund puppy before, years ago. Once, when Harry was a puppy, we took a trip to the beach. My dad took the leash off of Harry, thinking that he’d be obedient and stay next to us, like our old dog Max did.
Nope. Harry bolted. My dad and I, the runners in the family, proceeded to chase him for a good quarter to half a mile until Harry spotted larger dogs up ahead. He stopped out of fear, allowing us to scoop him up.
But that had been on an isolated beach, in the daytime. It was night already, and we were only feet away from the parking lot. If Apollo ran far enough, he could run to the road.
Apollo usually does not listen when we direct him to come to us, but thankfully, luck was on our side. We yelled out, “NO!” My “no” came out as a strangled cry. He stopped short; I think he knew that this was not play time. I scooped him up in my arms and held him tight.
As much as I joked around about how annoyed I get when Apollo eats my carpet, or about shipping him back to the Puppy Store, I absolutely adore my little dog. I never would have forgiven myself if something had happened to him.
Apollo went back inside to chew his toy, oblivious to what could have happened. I sat watching him, wondering what on earth I’d been thinking by leaving the door open. I felt like it was a direct message from the Universe. “Are you going to be irritated by something as inconsequential as a jewel case that you are going to leave your DOOR OPEN for your PUPPY TO RUN AWAY, you IDIOT?”
Duly noted, universe. Duly noted.
(Boyfriend gave me a jewel case from one of his CDs, because unlike me, he is normal and doesn’t care if one of his is cracked. So both stories have a happy ending! YAY!)
Today was just the tonic to the week I needed. I worked on my crafting project, and bought a new book at Barnes and Noble against my better judgment. I also bought this adorable set of mini-journals. If you go to my apartment, you will see that I am a sucker for journals. I have so many unfinished ones laying around. I do have a completed one from 2010. It’s interesting to leaf through it because it covers an interesting portion of my life – when I was starting to play music with my friend Tap, riding an airplane for the first time in years, being heartbroken over men not worth my time nor effort. A poem I’d bought off a homeless man from downtown is plastered in there, on a night where I felt like the universe was trying to send me so many messages, personal stories that I was desperate to find any meaning in so I could find some solace. Like the night a bouncer looked at my ID, looked up at me, and said, “He’s not worth your time. You know that?”
I was floored. Was I reading too much into it? Did he say this to every sad-looking woman he saw? Did I have the rejection written all over my face?
But that night I felt a flicker of hope inside of me. No, he isn’t, I told myself. He isn’t!
And he wasn’t.
I read an essay tonight from Joan Didion that I really liked, about the art of journaling. She wrote something that really struck me – “I think we are all well advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be, whether we find them unattractive company or not.”
And thus ends a very rambling entry. Good night!